Is there really a loving God?

I thought God had lead me to serve in the Assembly of God ministry, I thought Rick
and Jerry were men of God .. How could i have been so wrong for such organization to condone and stand up for their so called Christian Missionary  man that does not even behave like the bible says his children should. 

The God they supposedly serve word spells out how Christians should behave but when you have men of authority condoning conduct that God’s word says we shouldn't .. how do i follow or love their God? How do I read their God's word? How can i pray, how can i read God’s word when men of leadership at a National level do not even follow what their God says we should do? Have i been a fool all these year to follow God?


Right now i can not read my bible but i am reading a book written by Chrystal Hansen titled "God can you Love me even when i can't love you .. i re started this book from the beginning.  When i bought this book after hearing her speak the reason i thought i purchased this book was for my son to read.  Some how i never did get around to giving the book to my son.


In this book Chrystal post the bible verse Psalms 55:1-7 .. 1 Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; 2 hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught 3 at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. 4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. 5 Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.


I read this scripture in her book, yet I find that i can not pray this ... I find that i am questioning how much good it would do to even attempt ... when such venom comes from so called Godly Christians a voice inside me says ... you were fooled once, you open your heart and gave your soul to follow a supposedly loving God ... Yet your heart still bears the pain of the rod that was ran through your heart by those supposedly loving God children whom claim to be holy and fill with his spirit. Once your heart was hardened and you never felt pain. My venom spills from their lips and as you recall before you gave your heart and soul to your supposedly loving god you never felt pain. 

We have moved

We have moved to Big Biloxi campground and right now i need some time to myself.  Events occurred today and i have been devastated.  I am struggling to hang onto my faith.  Right now i am struggling with a battle .  Right now i can’t love God or his so call Christian followers.  I am not sure that i ever will be able to again.  I am not sure i ever will be able to step foot into another church again.  I have tried to pray and I can’t, I have tried to read my bible and I can’t.  I have a voice inside my head telling me what a fool i have been to follow Christians so called God.  I feel as if i have been stabbed me in the heart.  So please bear with me and give me time.

Hopefully i can post soon

2011!

It’s a brand new year and  even though it started off to a terrible beginning.  I am praying God keeps me grounded in his word and direction of life.
The first day of 2011 was spent with friends.  We had a nice meal and played games. 

I am not going to go into details but let’s just say this day started out the new year with some major trials in our lives.
I am posting this to my blog a week later as I couldn’t before.
I pray that 2011 will be a good year for you all and that you prosper and many good things are ahead of you.

New Years Eve

We got up early this morning as we have lots of things planned to do for the last day of 2010!
Friends Randall and Janice are going with us and we left around 8am and headed toward the beach!
We stopped in Gulf Shores, AL for breakfast at Subway and then we headed to ….

We went inside the visitor center and got a map and directions and things to do
 
First we headed to the fishing pier

This is the first fishing pier we’ve had to pay to go on.  It was $ 2.00 per person


Red Flag was out today so no one was swimming.  It was a cloudy, windy day and as you can see from the pictures it was hazy outside.  We had sprinkles of rain.


This pelican was everybody’s friend.

 
He thought i might be food

After he realized i wasn’t he let me pet him
He even let Janice pet him

Since he didn’t find food with us he got down and started searching through and he found some squid in this guys bag.  The guy chased him but as you can see it was done gone

Then we got to see John bring in a big fish.  He had the fish hooked before we got there and had fought him 45 mins already.  It took about another 1/2 hr before the fish surfaced
   
John holding his proud catch
 
Another fellow offered to weigh the fish .. wow 19 lbs!

John and his nice Black drum fish
 
The pier was long and had restrooms in the middle of it and they were very nice restrooms
We were getting ready to leave when another fellow had him a fish and yes we had to see it
    
Another nice Black drum but it was larger then the other one.  The guy who caught this one didn’t want to weigh him and we needed to head on

There was some nice waves
   
The beach was clear and even though it was only in the high 50’s i couldn’t pass up putting my feet in the water .. neither could Janice

Then Randall had to join us

Then a big wave came in and got us all wet.  Hubby even got his feet and shoes wet from the wave as he couldn’t walk backwards fast enough.  It came up on quick.  Janice and I were wet from our waste down .. we looked like we had wet ourselves.  Randall was wet from the knees down and hubby from his ankles down.

After departing the beach with wet feet we headed to the Mobile Bay Ferry to cross over to Dauphin Island.
 
We had about a 20 min wait on the ferry

    
We got out on the Ferry but i had to stay close to the truck and hang on as I don’t have good balance from my disability and i would of been tumbling over board.  Several went on the bacony and enjoyed their ride across.

We got to the see the off shore oil rigs .. we wasn’t to far from this one but it was a bit on the hazy side to get good pictures.
   
We could see Fort Gaines from the boat

We arrived at Fort Gaines for our tour
 

   
The big guns were on wheels so they could spin them around .. it was really neat

I loved this tunnel walk way

These were areas built all through the fort for their guns to shoot through, it was pretty neat
   
Can you imagine having to go potty sitting so close to another person with no privacy?  I sure couldn’t
  
We had the men pose and show us how it worked in those days.  Randall really got into his role. 

This potty room had 10 holes .. 5 holes on each side.

Then we went to the Black Smith shop, they even had a real blacksmith there today.
   
The Blacksmith was making nails .. i couldn’t imagine having to make nails this way to use them ….

 
It was neat to see a nail made from beginning to end and he even put a smiley face on the head of it.  For some reason that picture didn’t take .. take my word for it .. it was a cute touch.

I thought this sign was touching and i agree with it.

This is the bed chambers
 
The officer quarters had fireplaces in them and desk




 
Then we toured the Museum and it was interesting.

Here is some of the ammunition that was used in the guns .. wow .. some big stuff

The had examples of what the clothing was like during that time .. looks very hot to be a in a warm climate are ..

It was dusk when we left the Fort and headed across the 4 mile bridge .. what a bridge
     
We headed back to Mobile, AL where we had dinner at the Big Apple Chinese restaurant.  We had a bit of time finding it as our Tom Tom was a bit lost.  The men were beginning to think they were never gonna get anything to eat as it was after 6 pm.