Is there really a loving God?

I thought God had lead me to serve in the Assembly of God ministry, I thought Rick
and Jerry were men of God .. How could i have been so wrong for such organization to condone and stand up for their so called Christian Missionary  man that does not even behave like the bible says his children should. 

The God they supposedly serve word spells out how Christians should behave but when you have men of authority condoning conduct that God’s word says we shouldn't .. how do i follow or love their God? How do I read their God's word? How can i pray, how can i read God’s word when men of leadership at a National level do not even follow what their God says we should do? Have i been a fool all these year to follow God?


Right now i can not read my bible but i am reading a book written by Chrystal Hansen titled "God can you Love me even when i can't love you .. i re started this book from the beginning.  When i bought this book after hearing her speak the reason i thought i purchased this book was for my son to read.  Some how i never did get around to giving the book to my son.


In this book Chrystal post the bible verse Psalms 55:1-7 .. 1 Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; 2 hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught 3 at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. 4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. 5 Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.


I read this scripture in her book, yet I find that i can not pray this ... I find that i am questioning how much good it would do to even attempt ... when such venom comes from so called Godly Christians a voice inside me says ... you were fooled once, you open your heart and gave your soul to follow a supposedly loving God ... Yet your heart still bears the pain of the rod that was ran through your heart by those supposedly loving God children whom claim to be holy and fill with his spirit. Once your heart was hardened and you never felt pain. My venom spills from their lips and as you recall before you gave your heart and soul to your supposedly loving god you never felt pain.