It seems Fall has officially arrived when it comes to cool weather and turning of the leaves. I’m still at my home on wheels and so seeing the trees turn colors has been far and in between as I just don’t leave to go anywhere unless I have to and well let’s face it, I am surrounded by acres of open land!
I love the feeling the of being back in my home on wheels, don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed living at my dad’s house as I feel close to him even though he has left this earth. I spend many hours chatting with him. The feeling of knowing I'm in his home gives me comfort when things are going so rough in my life.
I’m going to be honest it’s been a very long, hard struggle these past few years and being restricted to living in one place has taught me that deep in my heart I have a need or urge to roam free. I guess it’ like a wild animal that someone has taken in and caged as a pet. I often wonder is this what they are feeling? Yes, they are loved, being well cared for and all their basic needs are met but one? To roam free?
I’m thankful for all the blessings I have received by being restricted to one place. I have gotten to spend time with family and friends I wouldn’t have traveling on the journey to no where. I made and kept a promise to a mother who loved me and I her as if she gave birth to me. I got to be here for my grandkids while they were still at the age that Grammy was all there was. I got to enjoy having flowers and tending them with TLC. The list goes on .. but now that Fall is in the air there is this need/urge in my heart that wants to load up the home on wheels and hit the road to no where again. Is it wrong of me? With health issues and other things I won’t mention to want to just run away from it all?
Since I was a little girl, for me the answer for things when they got bad was to run from them, to leave them behind me and not look back and as an adult that same need or urge or what ever it is called is still there. I’m ready to leave life’s struggles behind me, my desire is to hit the road running from it all!
My kids are adults and it’s time they learn to depend on themselves, my grandkids are getting older and it’s time for them to learn that life lesson’s are blessings to learn from but what do I do about health issues? Do I stay and get treatment or do I say NO more and do what soul is screaming for? I have prayed to God but either he isn’t ready to answer or I’m not listening because I haven’t seemed to receive any answers. I do know this, it’s getting colder and soon a choice will have to be made and moving back to the stick home will be a must if the decision is to stay for the winter.
I wonder if being in the Home on Wheels is because it was home for so many years that it’s my comfort zone or is it because it’s my way to escape the world around me? Although the stick home I hibernate and only leave it for needed appointments and spend my days/nights in bed trying to survive the pain and misery the cold brings me. Yes, even in the home one wheels there are those bad days but it seems I can move it to warmer climate where those bad days are not so many unlike hibernating.
There is a huge issue that I have that at this time I can’t speak of that prevents me from making the choice my soul urges for and so for now I will just say Fall has arrived and so has the urge of my heart and soul.
