Trusting in the God

I have spent the past 2 days with new friends and even those these friends have been kicked down just as we have and treated in the same manner.  They hold firm in their belief in God. 
Today i received a phone call that i should have not answered, but i did.  Once again i was hurt with venom spewed of untruths.  The spiritual man took the phone and i have no clue what was said as we stopped at a pier just as i needed it.

Hubby stop to talk some men and I kept walking.  I stood on the edge of the pier as i looked into the deep water a voice inside me said “ jump come to me and you will be free of your pain from your so called loving God and his supposedly followers”.  Yet another voice reminded me of another time when i attempted suicide and failed.  The voice said to me “ once you were astray and burden with suffering and pain and attempted to take your life when i was not ready to receive you.  You promised me, yourself and your family you would never do that again.  When i spared your life and you woke up laying in that bed you spewed your anger at me and i embraced you.  I granted you your miracle and i consoled and shielded you from any more pain.  You once again embraced me and that was all you needed.  You searched for your miracle in earthly ways when all you needed to do was to search in me.  You are going through a struggle because you are strong and you were too close in our relationship.  You have held fast before and you can do this again”.  My word tells you that earthly things and worldly men will cause you pain and suffering.  I never promised to shield from enduring these things.  Because on earth good verses Evil but in the end good will win.

I promised to hold you close and keep you safe.  I promised to love you even when there are times you can not love me.  I know deep in your spirit filled heart the love is there.  It has never left you in all that you endured in your life.  You are my child and do what i ask, you love with all of your heart and soul and you are good.  Our enemy is full of venom and sometimes he uses good things to bring my children down.  But as long as you hold fast in my word you will be strong and endure.  My child you are and my arms wrapped around you and this to you will endure.  My will never takes you where my grace can not get you through.  Hold fast my child great things are ahead of you.

About that time hubby walked up and ask what i was thinking.  I didn’t say anything.  Then Randall the spiritual man started to repeat the conversation and i went off.  I wanted to hear none of .. i want no part of their so called God.  Then we went to eat the waitress that we know told me that another dear friend of ours had just left.  Steve my good friend who was suppose to be in Las Vegas was in Gulfport.  How could that be.  I called him and after several attempts i got a hold of him and came to see us.  We introduce Steve to our friends Randall and Janice and Steve said come with me.  I asked how and when he got back and said to me.  Our God told me that i needed to return to Gulfport that a good friend of mine was going to need me.  He said i see the hurt in your eyes and i feel your heart is breaking .. talk to me my friend.  We spoke awhile and he said to me.  Listen to what our God is telling you.  If you pick up his word and let it open where it may and if you only read 2 words do it.  If you do this you will get through this.  This is not going to be a easy battle.  Unfortunately our enemy uses the things closet to us against us.  You may not go back to the RV Ministry but you will go back to God’s ministry because God still has a purpose for you.   I have seen first hand how God has filled you with his spirit.  Even those who do not know you know that you are filled with God’s spirit.  As you know i do not easily accept and get close to others but the first time i saw you in the RV Park, I knew God had sent you to me and that you were godly person.

I couldn’t sleep again tonight and so i got online and i read 2 comments and I knew God sent these to me.  So i sat and thought of all that had happened today and I picked up my bible and i did what Steve said.  I would read a few words and then close it.  I tried to pray but i couldn’t.  I picked up his words again and was able to read a bit more.  Here is what i have been able to read tonight.

Psalm 42:9-10
9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" 10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

Psalm 55: 1-23
1 Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; 2 hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught 3 at the voice of the enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger. 4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. 5 Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. 6 I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest-- 7 I would flee far away and stay in the desert; "Selah" 8 I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm." 9 Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech, for I see violence and strife in the city. 10 Day and night they prowl about on its walls; malice and abuse are within it. 11 Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets. 12 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. 13 But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, 14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. 15 Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the grave, for evil finds lodging among them. 16 But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. 17 Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. 18 He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. 19 God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them-- "Selah" men who never change their ways and have no fear of God. 20 My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. 21 His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. 22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. 23 But you, O God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption; bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days. But as for me, I trust in you

Psalms 109
1 O God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, 2 for wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. 3 With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without cause. 4 In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer. 5 They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship. 6 Appoint an evil man to oppose him; let an accuser stand at his right hand. 7 When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. 8 May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. 9 May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. 10 May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. 11 May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor. 12 May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children. 13 May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation. 14 May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD; may the sin of his mother never be blotted out. 15 May their sins always remain before the LORD, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth. 16 For he never thought of doing a kindness, but hounded to death the poor and the needy and the brokenhearted. 17 He loved to pronounce a curse-- may it come on him; he found no pleasure in blessing-- may it be far from him. 18 He wore cursing as his garment; it entered into his body like water, into his bones like oil. 19 May it be like a cloak wrapped about him, like a belt tied forever around him. 20 May this be the LORD's payment to my accusers, to those who speak evil of me. 21 But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name's sake; out of the goodness of your love, deliver me. 22 For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. 23 I fade away like an evening shadow; I am shaken off like a locust. 24 My knees give way from fasting; my body is thin and gaunt. 25 I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads. 26 Help me, O LORD my God; save me in accordance with your love. 27 Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O LORD, have done it. 28 They may curse, but you will bless; when they attack they will be put to shame, but your servant will rejoice. 29 My accusers will be clothed with disgrace and wrapped in shame as in a cloak. 30 With my mouth I will greatly extol the LORD; in the great throng I will praise him. 31 For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him.

I still do not know what events are going to take place.  I still can not pray.  I am thankful that i can pick up his word and read a little bit.  I’d appreciate it if you all would continue to pray for me as i struggle this battle inside of me.