I would first like to say about this journal entry I am making today. It has taken me days to write this post. I have given it much pray and asked God to guide me in writing it.
It is not about blame, not about forgiveness. It’s not meant to target anyone. It’s meant to bring about change and hopefully help someone else going through a similar situation. It is also meant to give praise and glory to my Lord and Savior.
The e-mails and phone calls we have received have been overwhelming. We appreciate your compassion and concern for us. I realize that things that i have posted may have brought about confusion and not full understanding. I have tried to give you answers on the phone, yet not full answers. So please let me do the best that i can in explaining our situation.
I have forgiven and God has granted me peace and now I believe understanding. I am ready and planning to move forward in our journey as I follow the path that our savior has ahead of me. God still has work to do within us to completely heal our hearts and thoughts of where we are heading. I am ready to move forward but I have to say it’s being done very cautiously. Hubby still has doubts and anxiety about moving forward. He is still struggling. So please remember him in prayer.
I am sharing my experience so that it may help someone else who may be going through a similar trial maybe it will give you food for thought. God says we are to share our experiences. As Job did throughout his horrible ordeal he continued to praise and worship God. We as Christians are to praise and give glory to God even through trials we endure. This is what today’s journal is about.
These past weeks I have thought back through the past few months and wondered what I could have done as a Christian to change the things that have occurred. Through all that occurred we both tried to do what we felt God wanted us to do. We read God’s word, we prayed for guidance and strength. Each time something happened. We let the abuser defend why he did or said what he did, we let him assure us he was sorry, promise it wouldn’t happen again, promised his behavior would change. Each time we granted forgiveness and we let him persuade us not to contact headquarters. After we did all these things in no time he was back into his same pattern of his old behavior.
I’ve been praying for understanding from God so that i can learn from this trial in my life. I believe that through every trial there is a lesson to be learned. Sometimes we have to search for it through God’s grace and wisdom. That is what I have been doing.
I believe that sometimes we as Christians, have misgivings on how we as Christians should act & behave when it comes to being treated or even seeing things that you know is not right in the eyes of God. You feel as a Christian it isn’t your place to judge, God requires us to forgive and love those who trespass against us. As Christians, we know that we are required to do these things. But does that mean to forgive and forgive and just let people trample us?
I believe that sometimes Christians forget that we are to live our lives in a holy way and instead we let human nature and pride completely overrule any Christian aspect in situations.
These past few weeks by studying God’s word, listening carefully and through pray. God has given me the understanding by making me realizes that is exactly what happened to us. We chose to follow our Christian aspect but our abuser chose his human nature and pride aspect. So in the end our abuser trampled us.
This past Sunday at church, service was titled Jumbled by the Jehovah’s Witness. As I listened to Pastor, I felt the Holy Spirit talking to my own heart. I came home and took a nap and after my nap i picked up my bible and i began to re-read and think about the scriptures. I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. I had taken notes during the service and I felt God bringing back things that were said during the service. I felt God telling me this was a good title for this post i have been struggling with.
After enduring the several months of abuse headquarters was contacted by the abuser. He gave false information. Unfortunately headquarters didn’t get all the the facts. Headquarters chose to stand behind the abuser. Headquarters made a major decision based on the facts of untruths they had received. The innocent parties involved were made to leave the project.
Through out this past month we have had to defend ourselves. The difference is this time we didn’t sit back and take the abuse. We fought back. God gave us the guidance and strength to do that. We felt that headquarters condemned us for our actions of what headquarters felt we should have done, but what we didn’t actually do and how i handled my emotions by going public. We felt as though we were the ones who were being persecuted for what I did and we didn’t do. When in all honesty the person who committed the crime is still on project and still being allowed to continue his behavior.
Yet throughout this entire ordeal we felt that we did what Christians do, we gave forgiveness. That is where our misgivings came into play because our hearts are filled with the love of God and we try to live our lives as God wants his children to. We protected the person who committed the crime and trespassed against not only us, but another RV couple and the church. We tried to show compassion. We forgave time and time again. Throughout this entire ordeal we both read our bibles and prayed for God's strength and guidance. Here is the verses that i tried to hold onto throughout.
“1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
But Sunday as Pastor words spoke about forgiveness, quoted scriptures of the bible about justice, and being weary of false prophets. I began to understand more about as Christians how we should behave in abusive situations.
An ungodly person will show behaviors which include control, manipulation, un-lovingness, jealousy, envy, narcissism, selfishness, greed, exploitation, hostility, treachery, dishonesty and so on. All of these are exactly the opposite of the behavior of a real Christian. One who is really heeding God’s word is not unloving and hurtful to others. Victims have the right to protect themselves from such actions or words.
A truly righteous Christian cannot by nature be a taker or a user. They are a humble servant, who expresses their faith in their acts of love towards others. They serve God by doing kindnesses for others. They do not think that others exist for their use and benefit, and does not act as though the world revolved around them. A true Christian is a giver, not a narcissist. They do not victimize others, and so do not put them self in the position of needing the forgiveness over and over.
Another major difference is that an unrighteous person will not repent when they are rebuked. Godly people accept rebuke, learn from it, make amends and change their ways. Real Christians, who have goodwill and love in their hearts, and truly don’t mean to offend, have no problem doing this, and so could rightfully expect to be forgiven. They do not make excuses for offensive behavior, they apologize and correct it. But ungodly people show no remorse and have a variety of defenses for justifying behavior which hurts others. When rebuked, they will deny, make excuses, pout, become defensive, lay on a guilt trip, display unrighteous anger, minimize their offense, claim it was a “misunderstanding”, turn it around and pretend to be offended. They will blame the victim, or someone or something else, for their behavior. Such people do not take responsibility for the hurt they have caused and will not admit the victim is right to be hurt or offended by their actions.
The unrighteous are not humble, like true Christians are. They are very prideful. They do not want to admit they are just wrong and they should not have done whatever they did. They will do everything to avoid committing to a permanent change in their behavior, as if it is not really under their control. They will say things like, “We both are wrong” or “We have both hurt each other”, when in reality the victim has done nothing wrong at all. They may or may not grudgingly apologize, but they rarely change their ways. In the Bible, those who do not listen to rebuke are referred to as “fools”, not “righteous” , “Godly” or anything Christian-like, and we are instructed not to waste our time trying to reason with them. We are admonished to stay away from those who will not listen to rebuke.
It is important to understand that nowhere in the Bible are we instructed to analyze or try to be understanding of one whose actions are cruel or unloving. Scripture very simply teaches us to rebuke if we have been offended, forgive if there is repentance, and have nothing to do with one who does not repent or listen to rebuke. An abuser’s list of excuses (unhappy childhood, stress, trauma, drugs, alcohol) are meaningless and do not make his actions or words any less destructive. No one has the right to inflict their issues on other people. The reasons for unacceptable behavior doesn’t matter. Christians are to take a stand against wickedness and all forms of evil.
I’m not saying our abuser is not a Christian. In fact there are Scriptures referring to the rebuke of a fellow Christian than there are about rebuking a non-Christian. Children of God are held to an even higher standard than children of the world, and certainly higher than children of the devil. A child of God is supposed to be setting an example for others, not behaving just as badly, or even worse than, everybody else.
Scriptures instructs us to hold fellow children of God accountable for their behavior. Even God does not forgive everyone. He does not forgive stubborn people, and doesn’t expect us to either. The Lord requires repentance and so should we.
When you are talking about human forgiveness, we are required to forgive those who have damaged us when they repent, whether or not they are born-again. Repentance is not a mere apology. Anyone can do that and then go right back to doing exactly what caused the problem in the first place. Repentance is looking within and re-evaluating one’s life. Turning from one’s sinful ways, showing true remorse, making amends, having a change of heart, changing one’s behavior from unloving to loving, not just giving these things lip-service. Repentance takes effort.
If this truly happens, God wants us to forgive. However, there is no timetable on forgiveness. It often takes months or years of a former abuser proving that he has truly changed before his victim can feel comfortable enough to trust him again and that is ok. But most abusers are narcissists, and they want what they want now. They are not willing to put the time or energy into proving themselves, and the victim often has to put some distance between them self and their abuser in order to escape their pressure to forgive and buy them self some time to make ask God to help them in their decision.
It is also erroneous to think that forgiveness means the relationship must automatically be reconciled. A victim may forgive in their heart and choose never to reconcile. Forgiveness does not require exposing oneself again to someone who has damaged you in the past. It is perfectly fine to forgive someone in your heart and still not want to be with them anymore. Sometimes, as you grow in the Lord, you come to see that you need to be selective in your relationships in order to progress and not regress in your walk with God.
The Bible does not tell us to consider whether or not someone is a Christian when we forgive. We are to forgive everyone who demonstrates remorse and changes their ways. That does not mean everyone who apologizes but doesn’t actually change their behavior. Only time will tell if that person has truly changed. If the person repents, they merit our forgiveness. That doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. It doesn’t matter whether they are a Christian or not. If they don’t repent, Then they don’t get cut any extra slack over a non-Christian just because he claims to be Christian. Someone with a track record of hurtful or unloving behavior is not entitled to our forgiveness simply on the basis of claiming to be born-again Christian.
Scriptures tell us ... Many seek the face of the ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice. When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers. Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent, the Lord detests them both.
After the holy spirit spoke to my heart and made me realize that even though I am a Christian and I try to live my life as holy and righteous as i can. God does not expect me to let Christians or non-Christians trample me throughout my life process.
This is where phrase of yet being weary of jumbled witnesses come into play. It brought back memories of when we lived in a stick house and hubby would invite the Jehovah witnesses into our home. He would tell them he was willing to listen to them as long as they were willing to do the same to him. He would spend hours showing them what our Bible said and how he felt God has lead him. One day he converted a Jehovah young lady and after that they never returned to our home again.
There are going to be times when our lives are tied in knots. When our lives are tied in knots we should remember God’s word tells us we are to forgive and love thy neighbor/brother as thy self. Yet God’s word also tells us to be weary of false prophets. They come in sheep’s clothing but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruits we will recognize them. Just like a good tree it will bear good fruits, just as a bad tree will bear bad fruit. Not everyone who says Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of the Father who is in heaven. Many will say to the Lord. Lord did i not prophesy in your name and do good works for you. God will answer “I never knew you, away from me you evildoers”
As Christians we should try to live a holy life as Jesus did. Words like walk, talk and faith are action words. Therefore a person may think that their good works will get them into heaven but they are deceiving themselves. The only way to heaven is we are promised eternal life. Eternal life is promised through salvation and salvation is received by grace. Salvation doesn’t depend on you or me but on God. Because Jesus Christ paid the alternate sacrifice for you and me. So salvation is received by grace and grace is granted through actions. Our actions of believing, trusting and having faith that God sent his son to die for you and me and that Jesus blood was shed for all sins. Jesus resurrection was to show that a miraculous redemptive mission offers salvation to the all who is lost.
Salvation is a change of the heart and therefore a change in our actions that you will want to be obedient and live each day in a close relationship with God. You will not want your will to be done but God’s will in all things. God doesn’t promise that our lives will not have trials, sorrow, unrest, and hurt at times. God does promise if you trust and have faith in him and you turn your troubles over to him, ask for forgiveness because times we try to fix things when all we really need to do is take it to the Lord in pray. When we go to the Lord in prayer we are to humble ourselves, completely trust in God that his will and not our will be done.
God’s word tells us that he is merciful but that he is also a just God. That our sins are forgiven but there are still consequences to those sins.
During my study these these scriptures really touched my heart.
John 14:23-27 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
When i read these scriptures it reminded me of our recent trials. I do not understand why God has allowed this abuser to stay in the position he has. But it’s not for me to understand. It’s up to me to trust my Lord and Savior that all things that happen are for the good of the kingdom and that God will deal with those who trespass against him. I am to embrace the peace that my heart now has. I am proud to shout to the world and give all the Glory to my heavenly father. Because no matter what may come my way. I know that my father will always walk beside me, he will guide me and I want to obedient and do his will not mine. I will continue to praise my Lord and Savior. Any works I do is for my heavenly father and not for me. I know i will fall short of the glory of God, but i will get back up and strive to live each day for the Glory of God. I know that i will encounter false prophets and God will make their fruits known to me. I will still forgive those who trespass against me. I will pray that God convicts their hearts and grants them the peace and salvation that he has me.
I know that i believe, trust and have faith in God, I know that sometimes Satan will cause confusion and bring trials my way. All i have to do is hold fast to God, trust his word, believe in him and God will give me the strength through it all. God will bring good things to me. Jesus my Lord and Savior i confess to all that you are my Lord and Savior, you are my master and I am your slave. I love you with all of my heart and soul.
