Flowers of Love

Warning lots of pictures!   Since nothing is really happening in my life to blog about, I thought I’d share what I spent my spring & summer doing. 

My rose bush that has traveled many miles with me.  It has flourished but at this time a bit on the sickly side but hopefully soon it will be back to it’s flourishing self .  Those dreadful Japanese Beatles cause havoc and are horrible pest to get rid of!

For several summers I've been sick that just making it one day at time has been a chore and blessing.  Getting out of bed at times are difficult and some days even impossible. 

This old ash bucket was at a garage sale It was in the for free pile and I took rescued it. It makes a great flower pot, don’t ya think?  Hidden behind the Zinnia's  is a bush that has beautiful yellow blooms in the spring so in the summer I Plant Zinnia's around it .. The first year I planted some beautiful freesias but they didn’t come back the next year and I didn’t think to dig up the bulbs.  I admit I’ve never really had a green thumb even though I have always wanted a beautiful yard with lots of flowers.

This summer has been better and I’ve been  trying Alternative treatment and it has helped make me feel better and I’m able to do a few things other than just surviving day to day.  The past few summers I've attempted to start flowers at the stick house but the problem was I just didn’t have the strength or energy to keep up with them. Hubby and the boys planted a garden for me as fresh vegetables have been in my diet but let’s be honest, their just not good care takers for flowers that require maintenance but they are great gardeners! 

I started my first summer with some Wildflower’s, Zinnia's and Marigold’s and it was a good thing as I just physically couldn’t care for them.  Thankfully hubby or boys would give them water when they began to look like they were  needing a drink.  The first fall my DH was so good to collect me some seeds for years to come. 

My autumn Joy has done great, I love how the blooms start out a pale green, then they turn almost white to a burnt red look! Plus it takes hardly any special care other than a bit of water here and there when it’s extremely dry.  I love succulent's and I love that this one can survive the winter to return in the spring!

 

This succulent I've had for several years, it came in a pot with multiple different types and has blossomed and grown.  I decided to take it out of the pot this year and plant in the ground and as you can see it’s grown.  Unfortunately it has to be dug up before the first frost as it can not take our cold winter.  I believe it’s called ghost plant (Graptopetalum Paraguayense)

My sister in law brought me a small amount of this and it has gone wild!  It’s a ground cover and she called it cemetery weed but I haven’t found it anywhere on the internet called that?  I love it as it requires no maintenance and grows anywhere! 

I bought (with my mother’s Day money gift) these red and pink polka dot plants at the flower shop and just love them and they have flourished this summer.   I’ve read they can’t take extreme winters and I’m hoping to dig them up and keep them alive inside for the winter.  Some Annuals will survive and some won’t. 

 

If not than I will be putting them on my mother’s day/birthday list for next year.  Some annuals you just can’t keep during the winter inside, I found that out last year when a friend was nice and dug up some of hers and brought to me but they just couldn’t get the sunshine they needed inside my dark stick home. (This was my garden earlier in the summer)

This is my Purple Dragon that I've had for several years my sister in law (Faye) got me at the annual spring flower sale.  I love it and it comes back every year!  She got me another this year but it hasn’t done as well as I think I planted it where there is too much shade (it may have to be moved next year, if it returns)

These round bricks my sister in law (Faye) gave me to make a small flower bed out in my front yard with.  The little bird cage my grand daughter Hailey got in her craft set for Xmas and made for Grammy!  This picture was taken during the 4th of July and bought some fake red, white & blue flowers and a couple of the flower holders you use at cemetery's  to add some color for the holiday.

 

The white you see is called Dusty Miller and I just love it, it adds such a beautiful addition and I got package on clearance and  5 survived out of a package of 6 for a buck so I'm happy with it!

Making my gift money go along ways, I've been visiting the local flower shop as on Wednesday they have flowers on sale for a buck! I got me some of my favorite flower Geranium’s.

In the spring this is where my pink peonies grow and after they bloom their mowed down and Zinnia's & Marigold’s were planted.  The hanging basket is a Geranium.

This is a view of my front yard past the side walk into my home. 

I was wanting some type of fencing for flowers around my side walk and I found these at Wal-mart on clearance for $2 bucks a box!  I bought all 5 boxes!

 

This Coleus is one that came back from last year and it has popped up in several different places and I’ve transplanted them.  They seem to do well

Pictures of my stick home … I love that I've felt well enough this year to plant and take care of flowers.  I will admit I have to work at weeding several days a week as I can only work a bit and then I'm exhausted

My brother and sister in law (Faye) live in the house across the street.  He takes care of his lil sister.

I planted flowers on the side of the house toward the road and the other side has my garden

see how much this flower bed has grown from earlier picture above?  I only had 3 bricks for the circle so I added a few chimney bricks which work great for holding the bird house.  It’s hidden on the back side toward the house.

 

In the far background is a small red flyer wagon that I've used for holding a Jade succulent plant

The side of my stick home facing the road. 

I have a couple old wooden small chairs that I put small buckets in but my other flowers over powered them.  Hidden is a small mini snow shovel that is old as well. 

Marigold’s have really done great and are so beautiful along the house and around the electric poles in the front and back of my house.

A couple of trees came in a couple of the flowers I purchased and being a tree lover I hated to see them go to waste I planted them in my yard.  One is a hickory nut which my squirrels will love and the other is a oak tree.  I pray they both make it.

 

 

 

 

I know these are not pictures of flowers but as you can imagine I can’t plant any in my backyard because that is service goat Sparky’s territory and well let’s just say he loves my flowers too much! 

Lexi watching Sparky eat his ear of corn and the first chance she get’s she takes it and runs off with it.  Although there will come a day he will rule over her but for now he gives into her when she takes his treats.

I told you earlier in this most it was a warning of lots of flower pictures but I am just thrilled with how well they have done even though it has taken lots of rain & AC water saving as well as city water since it’s been a dry year.

 

A better shot of the recycled ash pot I rescued.  On the down side of being able to work out in my flowers the grass I planted several years back is not meant for high traffic and my electric wheels have not been good to it.  The plan is to catch some of the good high traffic area grass on clearance at the end of summer to plant.  Plus there is an old side walk that went around the house from front to back that needs torn out that I've been slowly working on doing.  My yard is going to be a venture of a work in progress for several years.  Due to my health I’m limited and I’ve accepted that fact in my life.  I do what I can on my good days and on the bad days I spend them in bed waiting for a good day to return.

 

The chimney vent they took off my dad’s roof when the new roof was done, I decided it was something I wanted to keep in memory of my dad and so it spray painted brown to match the roof.

 

I found the Purple Coral bells on the end on clearance as well and the pink Coleus

 

Yes I even planted flowers around the stop sign!

 

 

See the small bricks with the Zinnia's planted, that is where the oak tree is planted as well, I'm hoping it makes it.

 

This Coleus is a transplant from a stray from the mother plant and the bucket is how I collect rain water, I have buckets under all the gutters to collect rain for watering flowers.  The metal roof is great at collecting water

these Coleus are doing good, the green one even grew back from something eating it and I had to cut it down and thought it was dead but it came back   this summer My sweet potato vine I had the chimney over the pot and not thinking the sun heated the metal up and was scorching it so it didn’t do too great but I got it on clearance so I didn’t lose a lot.  I’m planning to bring it in for the winter so hopefully it will be make it for next spring and it will flourish next Year, if it makes it.

 

The wishing well is a gift from Momma Rosie and Pops, they had it and didn’t use it anymore.  The plan was to get it painted but I've not found the energy to do it yet.  It’s going to be red & white.  Now you know what I've been doing all summer long  in between test, Dr’s appt, therapy and surgery.  The spider plant in the wishing well my sister in law got me, Yes she enjoys flowers like I do and she is great at getting me one when she gets her one.  Anyone have any extra flower starts they want to share, I'm taking donations Hope you enjoyed my flowers as much as I have!

2 Weeks of Misery Over?

Today is 2 weeks ago I got the devastating news my Mommy had passed over to heaven.  I know I should be happy that she is no longer struggling to breath or in pain but I’m being selfish and my heart is still breaking.  I have moments I smile and then other moments I cry.  I can hear her sweet voice saying “Pennie Lynnette, you stop that and be mommy’s big girl” I read my b’day card that she gave me the last time I saw her alive.  She had ordered me a special b’day gift and took time all the while she wasn’t feeling good to make me a photo wheel so I would always have precious memories of her.  Plus she made me a home made card just for me.  I have the letter she left me, telling me in her own words how much I meant to her and how proud she was of me.  My Mommy was an amazing woman and If I ever live up to be half the woman she was, I will be truly blessed. 

This past week I made a small memorial in the Home on Wheels for Momma Rosie.  In honor of her memory.  I hung up the last card she gave and made just for me, along with the letter she wrote me ( I have since put the letter in the envelope and hung it up as it is a private letter I’m not ready to share with anyone other than the DH right now.  I added some solar lights for night time and the picture doesn’t do it justice.  I can get up in the middle of the night and still see it and I don’t have to turn on any other lights. 

I wanted to share the beginning of the letter Mommy left me.  How can a daughter feel more loved than to know her mother felt this about her and this is my 50th b’day card she gave me a few days before she passed on to heaven.  God gave my Mommy the wisdom to speak from her heart .. what better gift to leave a daughter?

I’m sure I will also be making a memorial in the stick home with many things I have from our precious memories together.  I truly believe opening the card & letter has truly brought me peace and the love I’ve always desired from a mother.  In time, God will take some of the pain away, I know it will not all leave and there will always be a special place in my heart for my Mommy but with time comes peace and healing

God say’s it best with his description of what Love is ..  1 Corinthians 13:13  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is Love.  I am blessed that I got share the greatest gift a mother/daughter could and that is that we both loved each other with all we had.  Some may argue I was never her daughter but her heart and mine knew differently.  God brought us together and no man can separate our love we had for each other.

Are changes good or bad at times?

It’s been a rough several years the past few years of my life.  I often wonder if it will ever be simple again?  Don’t get me wrong, I know I've been blessed and I’m thankful for the memories good & bad.  I’ve gotten to do many things I wouldn’t have being on the road, but being able to spend time at my home on wheels these past few weeks.  It’s been a dream come true for me. I have longed for these days, I have missed being able to pack up and move when the urge hit me, I have missed seeing new scenery and meeting new friends, or catching up with some old ones. It seemed like life was much simpler and less demanding or stressful being in my home on wheels?  Was it because with a home on wheels I could run away from it all?  I didn’t have to pick up the phone and no one could just come find me if I didn’t want them too?  I was the one who decided if I would park my home in an RV Park, mooch docking or boon docking or volunteer docking.  I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted with no demands, no pressure?  It seems like every time I turn around my life is in chaos, someone is always knocking on the door, someone always has a problem that seems to become my problem, I'm always running to a doctor here or there.  The police is knocking on the door over the most stupid petty things?  When and how did my life become so stressful and full of drama?  Is it just that I'm older ( I did hit the big 50 this year!) Is it just me or is that I feel horrible all the time and I hold it in and keep it to myself how pain and how sick I am?  Is it because I feel I always have to be the strong one who holds it together for everyone else?

I’m not sure if I told you but in Nov last year I had a stroke and couldn’t move either of my legs or my right arm?  I have worked very hard to recover and I still have several surgeries I need to have for reconstruction of the chest wall from my double mastectomy.  In December it will be 2 years ago and I still have the expander’s in as my health hasn’t been good enough to do the complicated surgery to rebuild my chest wall over the heart.  Plus I’ve had to have multiple other surgeries and body parts partially or completely removed.  I’m in a wheel chair and recovery is coming along very slowly.  The doctors all say “oh your doing so well” but not well enough for my liking.  I had lost 76 lbs and have since gained it back as I’m fighting digestive issues and yes that means I can not go poop.  I had some polyps and tumors removed from the large intestines/colon/rectum area a few months ago. What little food I do eat stays in my stomach, ferments, causes massive swelling and severe pain.  I look, feel and tell everyone it feels like I’m 9 months pregnant but the problem is, they removed everything that let’s me conceive or carry a child.  I still have a baby I'm packing around!

My body is storing everything, which turns into fat!  I’ve completely changed my diet and went on a all fresh veggie, fruit diet and still gained weight. It was miserable as my body can not digest fresh vegetables at all! I have to be careful even with frozen vegetables cooked. I have cut out all processed foods, including sugars, sweeteners and went to pure honey or maple syrup for coffee or drinks.  I drink a few cups of coffee in morning (although with these chilly days, I find I'm drinking coffee later in the afternoon) Since cocoa is considered processed it’s a no no.  No bread, no Pasta, No cereal, nothing that isn’t grown or made from fresh grown.  No milk, no yogurt, no cottage cheese, no cheese ( at first they thought maybe I had a lactose or gluten intolerance .. neither was the problem) After months, it’s finally been decided that my problem seems to be from my MS which has progressed and is shutting down the organs.  My brain isn’t stimulating the nerves which in return are not letting the muscles work.  Gastric surgery may be my only option but I'm still holding out and trying different med’s and natural remedies before even thinking about that option. Removing part of the stomach and large intestines is not something I want to do! So now you are up to date on my health issues! On to other things ….

This is now my legs and how I get around at home.  I don’t get out much as it just takes all my energy and strength.  I really truly don’t get out other than from my home on wheels to the deck now because I can’t get myself around in a manual wheel chair and my electric wheels are broken!! I had one too many accidents with it.  I’m waiting for the Dr office to fax a repair order for it to get fixed and they don’t seem to get into any hurry.  I’m furious with them as I called on Monday and Friday I still had no answers?  I was forced to spend from Nov – April in bed most of the time and couldn’t be left alone as I had no way to get out of bed or my house in case of a fire or something.  It took that long for insurance to approve me for a electric wheel chair?  The doctors wanted me to go to a rehab facility and I refused!  Home health came to me in my dad’s home!  It was much cheaper and much more comfortable for me to be in my home than some place I’d end up getting an infection or something from!  No thank you, I don’t even like staying in a hospital anymore because of infections you can get!  Do my surgery and send me home where I can make sure nothing is brought into me!

What is it with the medical profession now days?  I sit for hours and wait on them but if I'm late for my appointment they charge me $35?  My time is not valuable? I used to see an actual Doctor, now days you can’t find one that actually see’s you, instead primary Doctors run multiple health clinic’s and you see a NP?  You go to a specialist he walks in says a few words and out the door and then comes a NP in who does the rest?  Don’t get me wrong I like my NP’s I see, but it’s just not the same as the good old fashion Doctors.  I always told Dr. Turpin I was gonna miss him when he retired and he’d always laugh and say “your right, in the future your going to miss a lot of things”  and boy was he right!!  I DO!  He kept his office staff small at 2 office workers and one nurse.  I saw the same people each time I visited his office, now I never know who I'm going to see when I arrive.  A new secretary, a new nurse and even a NP?  I find the older I get or since my stroke I need structure and am not much on change. If the slightest change in my plans has to happen, I’m messed up? What happened to my days of living life written in Jell-o?

I have thought about the elderly I took care of back in my days of doing home health and now I'm beginning to understand why they didn’t like change or a new person coming.  They wanted the same people.  I understand it now, you get comfortable with the same person, you trust the same person, you depend on the same person and when your routine stays the same it’s easier and trust me, I have found that in this day and age that means a lot! 

So I haven’t decided is change good or bad? Is my life miserable because I choose to seek medical care and not for go it and just live my life as simple as I can?  I can tell you this .. I yearn for the days of living life in my home on wheels and everything was written in Jell-o! 

But the question of all questions is .. with all the health issues how does one accept change and learn to be happy with it when in your heart and soul you yearn to be free? How would you answer that question?

Bitter Sweet

Today was the memorial service of Momma Rosie, it’s been a bittersweet day.  I’m happy she isn’t suffering anymore, more devastated that she is gone from my life and I miss her so.  It started out a nippy, windy morning with clouds and then the sun came out but the wind blew pretty hard most of the day!  What started out as a dreary day turned into sweet beauty!

For the past several years I have went on Color Drive with Momma Rosie, Aunt Louise and Pops and I had planned to still do it today since I wasn’t attending the memorial service.  But when I woke up it had been a ruff night of sleeping due to stress and pain and my heart or energy just wasn’t into it.  Instead the decision was made to curl up in the warmth of my bed and watch Hallmark. 

Later in the afternoon it warmed up and turned out to be a beautiful afternoon and so enjoying sitting on the deck drinking coffee just listening to the sound of nature was what my soul needed.

This was my view sitting out on the deck enjoying a beautiful fall evening with this amazing sunset!

While I was enjoying the beauty around me and the sweet sound of nature, the animals were enjoying getting to run lose and play together

I’m thinking they are loving being away from society as much as me as they have so much more freedom to enjoy running lose and playing.  There is just something about being free to roam that my soul desires.  Many times I find myself sitting and thinking, if only ….

Oreo watched Roo and Sparky play together and soon he joined in

Sparky decided he had enough playing and needed to follow Lexi and do some eating before it was time to call it a night.

I enjoy watching my fur balls run, play, jump and just run free with no care in the world.  At times I think I even envy them the simplicity of their life.  My life hasn’t had simplicity since coming off the road and it seems like that what ages ago …

It was a beautiful evening watching the sunset and enjoying the peace and quiet and just being alone.  Before long it was time to head inside to get ready to hit my nice comfy bed.  I’m so enjoying being in my home on wheels even if it is stationary.  Deep inside it’s still home and my security blanket, esp. when I'm stressed.

Serenity is Sweet

It started off with a nippy morning and dew on the ground but once the sun came out it warmed up nicely.  It almost felt like winter in the South instead of Fall in the Midwest.  Later in the afternoon the clouds covered the Sun and the wind picked up and it began to cool off and then the Sun came back out and finally dawn approached.

Here lately I just really have no energy and I really don’t even want to be around people.  It’s been a very stressful week for me as so much has been happening in my life.  As I posted earlier in the week my Aunt Rosie who took me in and raised me until I 6 as her daughter passed away.  We had been estranged for many years but the past few years we reconnected after I returned home in 2013.  She was ill and no one was making her do anything about it so I stepped up to the plate and we became mother/daughter again.  Old wounds were healed and a bond that never went away but was just buried deep inside resurfaced.  Needless to say once again I ended up getting hurt very badly but this time it was due to her dying and leaving this evil place called earth. Not because she left me on the door step of my Biological Mother.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful she was able to get her life and heart right with God and she is now in no more pain or struggling to breathe.  It’s just that when you see things going on that are not right or the last wishes of loved one not being honored it’s hard to sit by and condone it.  Of course being the outspoken person I am that didn’t happen.  Guilt has a way of getting the best of people and of course as always I'm taking the blame.   I have no guilt or regrets and I know that I was the best daughter I could be in her last few years of life.  We were able to repair old wounds and build an even stronger mother/daughter bond.  For that I am grateful and I know my conscience is clear and when I stand before God he will tell me that I was an obedient servant in taking care of my Mommy in her last few years here on earth.  Plus I'm just not sure health wise I could do it.  I don’t need to have another stroke and I’m suppose to stay as stress free as possible.  Some people just don’t realize or simply just do not care how sick others are, some diseases are hidden on the inside and unless your around that person many hours day after day you may have no clue how sick they are or just what they are dealing with. Tomorrow is her services but I will not be attending as I just can’t attend something I know in my heart isn’t right and when your told by evil people mean things, it really makes you not want to be around them.  I have a problem with keeping quiet, I believe in speaking my mind and I believe in standing up for right and against what is wrong. So it’s best for me to simply stay away and let my mother have her day.   Don’t assume anything is a hard lesson I have learned in life! This saying is very true at times and apparently it fits me right now!  hehe

 

I enjoyed sitting outside on my deck enjoying the serenity of my surroundings.  It’s so nice and peaceful here in my little piece of world where my home on wheels is parked right now.  Rarely a car goes by and the dogs, cats and goat can roam free without restrictions.  I can sit on my deck and enjoy a morning or afternoon cup of coffee.  I’m away from all the drama that people seem to enjoy these days and with no TV or radio on I don’t have to listen to what is happening in the world around me.  The world is so full of evil, violence and it seems Loving one another is a thing of the past? 

The Home on Wheels is sitting on a piece of property DH is leasing.  It’s owned by a friend we’ve known for years.  It doesn’t have all the bells and whistles that a RV Park does but it has the serenity you can’t get from an RV Park.  It does have the sweet peace and quiet that the desert does of being parked out in no man’s land with no one in sight.  Barely a car goes by and you don’t have to deal with people.

DH has set up pretty good, water is from a pitcher pump like in the old days electrical is solar/generator and an old house sat on the homestead years ago had a septic tank that made into a sewer RV hookup. 

Yes, it’s like boon docking or mooch docking where conserve is a must but the benefits out weigh the cons any day!   For me and my little world right now I am simply enjoying the few precious times I can enjoy life and not worry about what is happening outside the world around me and for that I’m grateful because … Serenity is Sweet!!

How to say Goodbye to your Mommy?

My morning started off to a beautiful day.  The warmth of the Sun had come out and I was enjoying being at the home on wheels and basking in a glorious morning.  The dogs, cats & Sparky the goat were outside.  I enjoyed my morning coffee outside just basking in the beauty surrounding me.  I had done some bible study, had my morning chat with God and thanking him for all the wonderful blessings I’ve been given throughout my life.

Mommy and Me when then and now! 

The past few days they had been taking out the corn here by our home one wheels and spilt several piles so the critters and I were scooping it up to use later.  It had been a beautiful day and I was enjoying myself and the serenity that was surrounding me.  DH pulled up with my cousin Bobby in his truck and I had no clue why he was here and then I got the news.  My Mommy had left this earth and gone to heaven!   I knew deep inside that it was only a matter of time but I had myself in denial.  I had convinced she was going to fight and win just as I myself am trying to do.  I know she is much better off and we are blessed she didn’t suffer.  She got to go to Old Settlers Day and came home and laid her head down on the kitchen table (her favorite spot) and went to sleep and didn’t wake back up.  I’m devastated, I’m hurting and right now I'm struggling to hold it together.  I am normally a strong person but I'm just not sure how I will get through this.  I have been very blessed that the past several years since I stopped traveling I got to be very close to her and we enjoyed many wonderful memories together. I am truly thankful for that but right now my heart is breaking. 

My mommy holding me on our trip a year ago to Branson

Her new baby Minnie that given to me and I surprised her with her gift as she had been wanting a new addition to the family.  She loved her and I'm thankful Pop’s will have Minnie to keep him company now.

Mom and Pops, Pops adored her and he will be as lost as I will be.

One of her last few outings and as you can see she had lost so much weight

Her smile lit up the room and she was so much fun and we were always laughing and having fun

our last family reunion and this picture is of my oldest son and his children who she adored.  The last picture was taken 04/2015 at my youngest son Gabe’s wedding which Mommy enjoyed helping with. I know in time God will heal my broken heart but apart of it will always be empty and aching for her.  Mommy may you spread your wings and fly high.  Your with many you love and I know your in heaven and we will meet up again some day until then I will never forget you and you will always remain in my heart and thoughts.   I Love You and I was honored to be your daughter!!!

RIP my dear sweet Mommy. 05/09/1946 –10/08/2016